This is a really weird type of day for me, in regards to all the memory and shock stored in my heart space from worst day of my life three years ago today... On the outward I appear well put together today and doubt anyone notices how much I'm hurting today, I'm very much in the child space of my heart and I want nothing more than to see your face and hear your voice rt now. Not because of any earthly selfish desire to put you back in this plane of existence but because I have so many amazing new things in my life and most of them I have worked for, earned in some fashion (I'd like to believe it's not just ancestors looking out for me... nudge nudge lol) you would be so incredibly proud, and Nick's out and doing so well,he really is back, you'd be proud of the amazing man he's become.. Maggie is 18 and still doing her own thing, I haven't heard from Nicolas but I'm sure he's well too, mom, you'd be so happy and these 3 kids are growing crazy it's so much I wish somehow I could connect with you and share everything... you were my best friend ? I'm going to get your picture updated, and talk to someone about getting a proper obituary now for you, I'm so sorry it's taken this long to finally become financially stable and able to do these simple gestures of respect. I love you mom, I miss you something terrible and bittersweet this year ....today!!! ?

Posted by Daisy on August 19, 2022

Rose, I was sad to hear of your passing. Though we'd all lost touch for years, I only have fond thoughts of the fleeting years I knew you when I was a child. I remember: - The sweet smell of your cigarettes as you hand-rolled them, and how I'd come home smelling of them, too. Even today, as a previous smoker, I can't replicate that smell. The scent of cigarettes now repulses me, but yours never smelled like they do now. If I ever come across that aroma again, it'll conjure thoughts of a kind woman who let us crank the music up with the windows rolled down and the wind in our hair. - Our trip to the ocean. Though the drive wasn't far, it felt like an epic roadtrip (see above). - Borrowing your car (sorry). Daisy and I carefully documenting exactly how far your seat was pushed back and what position the wheel was turned in because you'd know if we didn't have it exactly how you left it. - In typical fashion, breaking my arm at your house by tripping over a pair of pants. Because of course I did. Exactly two years after breaking my arm by falling off my bike. - Your cat. The name escapes me. Shadow? Thunder? Storm? I'm pretty sure it was elemental of some kind. It was grey, and beautiful, and even though I don't like cats, yours was cool. - You letting Daisy and I stay up really late so we could chat on ICQ with stupid boys from Puyallup. - How you spoke with your eyes. If we did something that displeased you, you'd give us that mile-long stare. If we entertained you, your eyes would crinkle and I swear to god, twinkle. It reminds me a lot of how my dad smiled with his eyes. - My dad only ever had good things to say about you, which is rare. He always had an opinion about people. - Every time I buy a new plant, I think of yours. My memory isn't so great anymore, but these brief encounters stand out the most. Sure, big, notable occasions are memorable, but it's the little moments in-between that truly make up a life. Your legacy lives on, Rose. Rest in peace.

Posted by Kathy Haan on August 19, 2022

So another year is here. I notice so many of the people I used to be close to, and the ones still very near and dear to my heart, experiencing their mother's passing away. It brings the pain back, almost brings me to my knees if I dwell too long. I play the tape in my head, the one with the harsh realities and bottom line stuff- I have to- in order to not fall back into that mourning and make others' losses about me or you. The empathy i feel so deep for my loved ones and their hurting hearts becomes blurred and all i feel is that overwhelming void inside, from losing of the biggest part of who I am, you, engulf me. I do know, that you were such a huge influence on my ability to actually feel compassion for others and humility, that maybe some of your incredible emotional strength ( like when you were there for everyone during Sherman's last days when I was 7) is part of me too. I want to be there for others but, for them, without the wound of losing you get in the way... what good am I to any one I care for dealing with their loss if I can't get past my own grief (that's from a number of years ago now!) and be of comfort, help, or even just present? I wish you were here mom, so much, I'm still just a little girl and I know you tried to prepare me for life without you but shit's getting real. I'm alone. this world has gone downhill, fast, just like we knew it would, I"m so happy that you at least don't have to witness it all though. it is selfish of me to want you here with me again, i know I'm just being a child, right? i want my mom!!!

Posted by Anonymous on January 8, 2022

There are so many things I wish I could tell you, it is such a frustrating feeling of needing to talk to someone and not having anyone who cares or understands like you always did. My daughter looks at me crazy when I try talking as if you were here haha and now I just don't do it out loud if I can help it. She's such a smart and intuitive little girl mom you'd just adore her. You'd be so proud of the capable and creative young man cash is becoming and Kharma would amaze you with his critical thinking skills, we miss you. If you read these lol jk *wink* we will be at your final resting place to celebrate your life by parking lot pimpin and jamming to your playlist. Hopefully you'll be there too, not sure if you haunt the place these days or not ?I love you mom, and I'm still so very sorry???

Posted by Daisy on August 16, 2021

Missing you Mom. My heart isnt as heavy as it was but still tugs when I think of you or when I hear your voice in that certain tone saying my name. Then I smile and remember you arent in pain anymore and are not suffering. That is what matters most is you are okay. I love you today and always.

Posted by Daisy on June 18, 2020

I cant sleep. I miss you so much it hurts deep. I still have so many questions and omg so much to tell you! A new grandbaby you needed to be here to meet...since you said you wanted one more babygirl...she will be 1 year old on my birthday in 2 days... I named her after you. You would be so tickled how sweet she is, and how her brothers have taken to her. They miss you too mom! It is still hard for Cash to speak of you but Kharma does all the time and I think of you everyday! I hope youre having fun with your mom, grandma cookie, dolores, aunty mary and aunt ruth! Cousin Dawn too! All of you watching over us... Angel squad! ?

Posted by Daisy on April 2, 2020

I miss you so much. I never told you how amazing you were, not enough and I struggle ever day wishing I had half your strength and perserverance. You have a new granddaughter, just like you said you wanted just before you left us, I named her after you. She doesnt fill the hole in my heart that you took with you, but she is beautiful and I just know you would have loved her. My kids deserve to have a mom like I did, I wish Maggie and Nick werent kept from you all those years so they could have gotten to know you... Make some memories they could think of you and how much you loved them. I will never forgive Javier for that. Im sorry. Cashmere's little heart breaks more and more every time he brings you up I can see it on his face, and Kharma so positive says he knows youre with us everyday. Royal Rose will never get to meet you thats what I cant get over. I still feel like Im nothing without my mom, my best friend.x?

Posted by Daisy on January 16, 2020

I wish you had stayed longer for me

Posted by Anonymous on May 12, 2019

I miss you so much mom. So much. You were my rock, and without you it feels so unstable I still feel I cant quite stand on my own.

Posted by Daisy on March 24, 2019

I miss you something terrible this month. I knew it would be difficult but not this intense. This was, is, always will be your month mom. It is saturated in your tradition, you, your spirit and love, smile and laugh, the smell of your sweater whenever I got to hug you (which I realize- was something I most often received most every year around this time). I know my tears are selfish and that you are free from the dis ease of this world, here in this plane in human form.... Yet I have so much to say, to share, hugs to give and appreciation to show I kinda feel robbed like can I get a do over mom, Im so sorry and I love you and of course miss you beyond words happy belated birthday and merry Christmas. It is most akward feeling when all i keep doing is looking at gifts for you or something so totally you catches my eye and you are the only person close to my heart I have yet to get gifts for. It does not feel right. Life without you mom, its not right.

Posted by Daisy on December 24, 2018

If Roses Grow in Heaven, lord please pick a bunch for me. Place them in my mother's arms and tell her they are from me. Tell her that I love her and miss her. And when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for awhile. Because remembering her is easy, I do it every day. But there is an ache within my heart that will never go away... -Unknown Author

Posted by Daisy on October 6, 2018